I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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