He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
