roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
