a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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