I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
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I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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