Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
