you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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