You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
