ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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