My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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