Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
