So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
