Umm I'm too high to move.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
