dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
