can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
