I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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