I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize