I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you would pick up someone in the library
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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