i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
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I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
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Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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