Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You can't motorboat a personality
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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