i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
