i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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