Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
