Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
