If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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