we have officially lost it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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