all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
