I'm lost and stupid without you.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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