Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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