Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
