I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
