Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
