the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
