i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
