i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
