You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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