i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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