Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
