So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
