If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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