it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
