everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
