I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
