I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
