Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
