So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
