I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
