Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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