i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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