toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
