Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
