Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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