What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
