I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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