Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
organizing the empties. That sober.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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