I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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