still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she told me i tasted like america
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
