I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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