Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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