We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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