all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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