he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
