Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
