i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
