so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
