oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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