That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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