we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
