doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
