yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
